I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm jealous of your bromance
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I see more hoeing in ur future
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