At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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