walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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