Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
