if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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