alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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