My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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