its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
