This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize