Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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