Michael Bay diarrhea
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
