my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
