WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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