fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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