did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize