Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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