we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
