I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
