She is in my trunk
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
