I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
