There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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