Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
