So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
