Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
