Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
