apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
