she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
