that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
