fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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