between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
