Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
