yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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