Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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