Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
