People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
