Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
