Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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