I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
