the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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