um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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