i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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