He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
