hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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