i was born a porn star she said
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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