it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
