Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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