You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
