he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
