She is in my trunk
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
