Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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