my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
