Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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