I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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