Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
