So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im part way to drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
