Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
