How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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