Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
