we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize