I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
