We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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