Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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