I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
