So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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