$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
