After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
